It works if you work it...

You know, I did many, many years of therapy:  women's group therapy, mixed group therapy, one on one with a woman, one on one with a man, conflict resolution (my personal fave), and family therapy (bombed, totally, no one else there with me).  And through the process, I got to lift up the rocks and look at the slimy things beneath them.  Only thing was, once I did that, there were no tools to deal with the muck.  All I could do was put the rock back.  But recovery and the steps worked really well.  Probably the most significant steps for me were four and five, the "fearless and thorough moral inventory" that I shared with my sponsor, a fellow AA who was far from shocked, since it was pretty much her story, too.  The resentment part was the most fun.  I got to see that, though I denigrate my narcissistic mother for gunny-sacking my faults back to the cradle, I still hang on to a lot of her barbs, too.  Like the time she flew all the way to Honolulu to see my first baby only to tell me he was "funny-looking".  My son is now 43.  Perhaps it is time to let that go?  You think?  This book I am reading tells me that this is typical behavior for an NPD person.  It was important to her that I know that her children were far prettier than mine.  How sad is that, anyway?  The important result of doing the steps (three times all the way through now, and many times piecemeal when stuff is up, and really, every day) is that I got to see MY part.  I have never said anything to my mother about her behavior.  Oh, wait, I take that back.  When she criticized my children for not calling her at Christmas, I remarked that it could be a reflection of all the birthday cards she never sent them.  And I found that she quieted right down.  Now that she is 91, and due to ride that big Greyhound in the sky soon (oh, please make it SOON), perhaps I can let her have it?  In a kind and constructive way, of course.  Not wanting any more stinky karma here.